Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
