wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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