i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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