but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
