Where is the hickey?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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