he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
