Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
