i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
