i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
