$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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