but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
