I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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