And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
