Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
