Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
