her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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