I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
