I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
