I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
