my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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