it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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