so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
