I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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