____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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