Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
