I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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