I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
