life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
