I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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