I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she peed on how many people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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