I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
