Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize