Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
