am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
