come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
