I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
