Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
