Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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