Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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