Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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