I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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