She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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