when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
