you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
