you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and she was petting her beer can
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
