Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
