I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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