well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
