I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
