after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
