Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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