he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
