I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
