You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
