I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
