My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
